Going under anesthesia can be a nerve-wracking experience, but it’s also an opportunity to leave your doctors or nurses with a good laugh.
A well-timed funny remark before the anesthesia takes effect can lighten the mood and make a memorable moment for everyone in the room.
In this guide, we’ll share some hilarious things you can say to crack a smile on even the most serious medical professional’s face.
Let’s begin!
Funny Things to Say Before Going Under Anesthesia
- “Hold my beer; I’m going in!”
- “This is my nap time, supercharged.”
- “I better wake up with superhero powers.”
- “Beam me up, Doc!”
- “I’m ready for my time travel adventure.”
- “Make sure I wake up in 2023, not 1823!”
- “Ready to explore the inside of my eyelids.”
- “Counting sheep, but make it medical.”
- “Is this how Sleeping Beauty felt?”
- “Turn me into a unicorn, please.”
- “Keep an eye on my imaginary friend while I’m out.”
- “I demand a recount if I snore.”
- “Send me the video if I reveal any secrets!”
- “Do I get frequent flyer miles for this trip?”
- “Check if there’s any spare change in there.”
- “I’ve always wanted to explore the back of my eyelids.”
- “About to take the best nap of my life.”
- “Make sure to upgrade my brain software.”
- “I hope I dream of winning the lottery.”
- “I’m off to meet the Sandman.”
- “Can you add a little extra charisma while you’re in there?”
- “This is the only way I get to skip work legally.”
- “Pause my social media while I’m out.”
- “If I start singing, join in.”
- “Is this how aliens abduct people?”
- “Promise me I’ll wake up with all my limbs.”
- “I’m just here for the free snacks after.”
- “Make sure I don’t miss my stop.”
- “Do you take requests for dream destinations?”
- “Set me to ‘vibrate’ mode, just in case.”
- “Can I get a side of fries with this sleep?”
- “Make sure I’m home before my shows start.”
- “I’ve always wanted to know what clouds taste like.”
- “Are we there yet?”
- “I hope this comes with a spa day afterward.”
- “Tell my mom I did my best.”
- “Can I get a wake-up call for tomorrow?”
- “Am I going to be a meme after this?”
- “Insert superhero transformation scene here.”
- “Make sure I come back as a rockstar.”
- “Do you guys do dream requests?”
- “It’s time for my royal nap.”
- “Finally, a break from adulting!”
- “Queue dramatic entrance music for when I wake up.”
- “Is it too late to request a lullaby?”
- “Turn down the brightness; I’m trying to sleep here.”
- “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.”
- “Hope I wake up in time for Christmas.”
- “Will I remember any secret recipes when I wake up?”
- “This is the quietest my kids have been all week.”
Funny Things Say Patient to a Doctor
- “I tried to follow your advice, but I got lost at ‘exercise regularly.'”
- “Do you have anything to make me look younger? I’ve been feeling like a vintage model lately.”
- “If laughter is the best medicine, your fees are the perfect joke!”
- “I swallowed some scrabble tiles by accident; my next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.”
- “Is there an ‘Undo’ button for this sprained ankle?”
- “I’ve been practicing my X-ray vision. That’s how I found your office.”
- “Is it bad if I hear a whistling sound every time I breathe?”
- “Do you think I could get a group discount for all my personalities?”
- “Can I get a sick note for my sick sense of humor?”
- “If I promise to behave, can I skip the shot?”
- “Doctor, can you prescribe me a weekend at the beach?”
- “I’m not saying I’m a superhero, but has anyone seen me and the flu in the same room?”
- “I’ve diagnosed myself on the internet, so I’m just here for a second opinion.”
- “My diet plan is to live on stress and air. What do you think?”
- “Can we speed this up? I have a marathon session of being a couch potato tonight.”
- “I tried counting sheep to sleep, but I made a ewe-turn around 50.”
- “If I give up wine, will I be a quitter?”
- “Do these symptoms mean I’m allergic to mornings?”
- “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. Is that the problem?”
- “Can you check if I have X-ray vision? I’ve been seeing through people’s nonsense all day.”
- “Is there an app to track how many times I rolled my eyes today?”
- “Do you have a map? I got lost in your ‘healthy lifestyle’ speech.”
- “Is sneezing three times in a row an Olympic sport yet?”
- “I came in for a check-up, but I think I just need a nap.”
- “If my body is a temple, can we agree it’s an ancient ruin?”
- “Can we agree that ‘treadmill’ is just a fancy word for ‘torture device’?”
- “I read chocolate is a vegetable because it comes from a bean. Your thoughts?”
- “Is there a pill to make me like running as much as running away from my problems?”
- “If I eat green M&Ms, does that count as a serving of vegetables?”
- “Can I schedule my next appointment for the year 3000?”
- “I heard being forgetful is a sign of a genius brain; I forgot where I read that.”
- “Can being a drama queen count as my daily exercise?”
- “Do you perform brain transplants? I watched a documentary last night and think I might need one.”
- “I’ve started a new workout routine. Every time I hear bad advice, I do an eye roll.”
- “If you find my motivation in there, can you wake it up for me?”
- “I think I’m allergic to my job; do you write notes for that?”
- “Is ‘avoiding adult responsibilities’ an illness, or just a hobby?”
- “Can you prescribe a cure for bad hair days?”
- “Do you have a treatment for ‘chronic lateness syndrome’?”
- “I’m here because I swallowed bubble wrap. Should I expect a ‘pop’ quiz?”
- “Is the ability to devour a pizza in one sitting considered a talent or a symptom?”
- “If I’m not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
- “I need a medical certificate that says I’m allergic to mornings.”
- “Can I file a missing report for my metabolism?”
- “Is forgetting names a medical condition, or am I just really bad with faces?”
- “I think I have a severe case of ‘not winning the lottery’ syndrome.”
- “I’ve been feeling a bit off-color lately, could it be because I ate a rainbow cake?”
- “Can you test me for ‘selective hearing’? My spouse insists it’s real.”
- “I accidentally used supper glue for my lipstick. Do you think my lips will stick to your advice?”
- “If stress burned calories, wouldn’t I be invisible by now?”
You can read funny things to say when win a game, funny things to say after Guess What, write on Shirt signing day, and funny farewell messages to colleagues.
One-Liner Funny Things to Say on Surgery
- “I asked for a body tune-up, not just a tire rotation!”
- “Will I finally be able to sing after this surgery? Because I couldn’t before!”
- “Hope you find my sense of humor in there somewhere!”
- “Is there a discount if you find nothing wrong?”
- “Doc, make sure you put everything back in the right order, please.”
- “Do I get frequent flyer miles for this surgery?”
- “Can you install a zipper for easy future access?”
- “Make sure you save all the parts; I might need them later.”
- “I’m here for the snooze button experience.”
- “Please don’t mix me up with another patient; I’m pretty attached to my current model.”
- “Can you give me a superhero upgrade while you’re in there?”
- “Oops, did I just press the ‘eject’ button?”
- “I promise to stop saying ‘it’s just a flesh wound’ after this.”
- “Is this going to supercharge my abilities?”
- “Can you tune me up to get Wi-Fi?”
- “Hey doc, can you make sure I come out looking like a celebrity?”
- “Make sure you don’t leave any tools inside; I’m not a toolbox!”
- “Will I be able to play piano after this? No pressure, but I couldn’t before.”
- “Doc, please ensure I’m selfie-ready post-surgery.”
- “If you find my lost marbles in there, please keep them.”
- “Looking forward to the oil change and spark plug replacement.”
- “Hope this comes with a free car wash.”
- “Please handle with care; I’m antique.”
- “Finally getting the factory reset I always wanted!”
- “I hope this upgrades my operating system.”
- “Don’t forget to remove my memory card, I need the extra space.”
- “Will I need antivirus after this?”
- “Make sure I wake up in 1080p.”
- “Can you add a feature where I never feel cold again?”
- “If you see my motivation in there, can you wake it up?”
