First dates can be nerve-wracking, but bringing humor into the conversation can ease the tension and create a connection.
Sharing a funny story or a witty comment can break the ice and make both of you feel more comfortable.
In this article, I will provide a collection of hilarious things to say that are sure to lighten the mood and spark laughter.
Let’s begin!
Funny Things to Say on First Date
- “I read the back of shampoo bottles. It’s my guilty pleasure.”
- “I’m not a fan of seafood, but I could probably eat my weight in calamari.”
- “If you could have lunch with any fictional character, who would it be? Mine’s Garfield, because we’d just eat lasagna.”
- “Do you believe that penguins get jealous of flying birds?”
- “I have a theory that socks disappear because they’re stolen by gnomes.”
- “How do you eat your Oreos? I have a very specific ritual.”
- “Is it just me, or do dogs seem more human than some people?”
- “I once tried to teach my goldfish to fetch. I failed.”
- “Do you think aliens watch our TV shows and judge our culture?”
- “Ever noticed how adults still argue about Batman vs Superman?”
- “If you could invent a holiday, what would it celebrate?”
- “Ever seen a squirrel look totally suspicious? I swear they’re plotting.”
- “If I could have one useless superpower, it’d be the ability to detect whether someone’s eaten garlic in the last 24 hours.”
- “What’s your stance on pineapple on pizza? It’s a serious issue.”
- “Do you think cats see us as a giant clumsy roommates?”
- “How would you describe the sound your heart makes when you hear the ice cream truck?”
- “I have a map collection. Just so I can say, ‘I put that place on the map.’”
- “If each hour of sleep were one dollar, I’d be bankrupt.”
- “Ever think that our pets might have secret lives when we’re not looking?”
- “I’m convinced that my plants communicate whenever I leave the room.”
- “If you had to listen to one song for the rest of your life, would you go mad?”
- “Do you think the moon ever gets lonely out there?”
- “What if birds have one massive group chat and we’re the subject?”
- “If life had background music, what genre would yours be?”
- “I wonder, what would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?”
- “Do you think goldfish have longer memories than we give them credit for?”
- “I once named a cactus ‘Spike Lee’. It thrived under terrible conditions.”
- “What’s the most ridiculous fact you know? Mine involved bananas and radiation.”
- “Do you think there’s an underground world run by moles?”
- “If I could live in any fictional universe, I’d choose the world of hobbits. Simple yet effective.”
- “Ever taken a moment to appreciate how weird giraffes are?”
- “What if coffee was a currency? Starbucks would be a bank.”
- “Ever had a conversation with your pet and felt like they really understood?”
- “Imagine, if public speaking was as easy as singing in the shower.”
- “The last time I laughed so hard, I snorted. It wasn’t pretty.”
- “Does the idea of wearing sunglasses at night make you feel cooler or just silly?”
- “Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?”
- “Ever notice how mysterious elevators seem when you’re alone in one?”
- “If you could have any animal as a pet, no matter the size, what would it be? Mine would be a mini-elephant.”
- “Does trying to lick your elbow count as entertainment? Because I’ve definitely tried.”
What are Funny Things to Say on a First Date to Women?
- “Do you know what’s on the menu? Me and you!”
- “Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.”
- “I was blinded by your beauty… I’m going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.”
- “Can you lend me a map? I just got lost in your eyes.”
- “Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’ve been searching for.”
- “Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.”
- “Can you catch? Because I think I’m falling for you.”
- “Do you have an extra heart? Mine just got stolen.”
- “Are you a time traveler? Because I see you in my future.”
- “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber!”
- “Are you Australian? Because when I look at you, I feel like I’m Down Under.”
- “Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a connection.”
- “Do you have a name or can I call you mine?”
- “I must be a snowflake because I’ve fallen for you.”
- “Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?”
- “If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.”
- “Do you have a pencil? Because I want to erase your past and write our future.”
- “If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.”
- “Can you take a picture with me? I want to prove to my friends that angels are real.”
- “Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te.”
- “Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout.”
- “Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.”
- “Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?”
- “Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.”
- “Do you mind if I walk you home? My app says that we are a match.”
- “Are you a loan from a bank? Because you have my interest.”
- “Can I take you out for dinner? Because I can’t seem to get you out of my mind.”
- “Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.”
- “Can I switch seats with you? I want to see what it’s like to sit next to an angel.”
- “Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?”
What are Funny Things to Say on a First Date to Men?
- Did you just take a shower? Because you look fresh and clean!
- Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?
- Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
- Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes!
- Do you play soccer? Because you’re a keeper.
- Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.
- Are you a magician? Whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.
- If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
- Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
- Are you a time traveler? Because I see you in my future.
- Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda is one for me.
- Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te.
- Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
- Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
- Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.
- Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.
- If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
- Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.
- Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven.
- You must be a high test score, because I want to take you home and show my mom.
- Are you an alien? Because you just abducted my heart.
- Are you a Wi-Fi signal? Because I’m feeling a connection.
- Do you like raisins? How about a date?
- Are you a snowstorm? Because you make my heart race.
- If you were a burger at McDonald’s, you’d be the McGorgeous.
- Is your name Chapstick? Because you’re da balm.
- Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling.
- Are we at the airport? Because my heart is taking off.
First Date One-Liner Jokes
- Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.
- Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
- Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
- If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
- Is there a sparkle in your eye, or are you just happy to see me?
- Are you a magician? Whenever you’re around, everything else disappears.
- Can you lend me a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.
- Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
- Are you a time traveler? Because I see you in my future.
- If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
You can read funny things to Say in TTS, funny things to say to Karen, Funny things to Your Cousin, and funny to Say at a Celebration of Life.
What are Funny Things that Not Say on a First Date?
When you’re on a first date, it’s important to make a good impression. While humor can help break the ice, some jokes or comments are better left unsaid.
Here are a few funny things you probably shouldn’t say:
- “I’m planning our wedding already!” – This could scare your date.
- “Do you believe in aliens?” – It might make the conversation awkward.
- “I still live with my parents, but it’s just for their sake.” – This can come off as strange.
- “I’ve got a list of names for our future children.” – It might be a bit too much, too soon.
- “My ex used to do that too!” – Bringing up an ex can be a date killer.
It’s best to keep the conversation light and fun without stepping into uncomfortable territory.
