70+ Funny Things to Say to Daughters Boyfriend

Meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time can be a moment filled with mixed emotions. 

You want to make a good impression, keep things light, and maybe share a laugh to break the ice. 

Using humor can be a great way to ease any tension and show your friendly side. 

Here are some funny things to say to your daughter’s boyfriend that will hopefully make everyone feel more comfortable. 

Funny Things to Say to Daughters Boyfriend

1. “Nice to meet you! I’ve heard so much about you… mostly from the NSA.”

2. “Remember, I know how to hide a body. Just kidding! Or am I?”

3. “We’re not saying we’re suspicious, but we’ve already named a star after you. It’s called ‘Under Surveillance.'”

4. “You hurt her, I hurt you. But first, I’ll make you eat my cooking. Trust me, that’s scarier.”

5. “If you make her cry, I make you cry. Fair warning, I’m an onion ninja.”

6. “Welcome! Just think of me as your future…maybe, possibly, depending on how things go, mother-in-law?”

7. “I’ve got a particular set of skills. They involve embarrassing my daughter at every opportunity. You’ve been warned.”

8. “You see that guy over there? That’s her brother. He’s not afraid to return her in less-than-perfect condition.”

9. “We like you. But just remember, we watch a lot of detective shows.”

10. “If you’re planning to break her heart, just remember, I can make your internet history public.”

11. “Ah, young love. Just remember, her first love was her teddy bear.”

12. “Remember, boy, I’ve known her since she was posting cringe on Facebook. I have receipts.”

13. “Please, call me ‘Sir,’ ‘Your Majesty,’ or ‘Hey, you, the overprotective father.'”

14. “I’m not saying I don’t trust you, but I’ve already installed a GPS tracker. In your soul.”

15. “Just remember, I can make you go viral. And not in a good way.”

16. “I’ll give you advice, free of charge. Don’t. Break. Her. Heart. Or WiFi privileges are revoked.”

17. “I’m great at puzzles. Especially putting together the pieces of your social media history.”

18. “Look, all I’m saying is, I’ve got a shovel and a backyard. Make of that what you will.”

19. “You bring her home late, I bring out my old prom photos. It’s a very effective form of punishment.”

20. “You need to pass the ‘Door Test.’ That’s where you open the door and if my dog likes you, you’re in. If not, well… it was nice meeting you.”

21. “Just so we’re clear, I can delete you off her phone faster than you can say ‘Sorry, sir.'”

22. “Ah, to be young and in love. Just remember, I’m always watching. Always.”

23. “You know, I once considered a career in comedy. But making potential boyfriends squirm is much more satisfying.”

24. “Our family motto? ‘We don’t scare easily. But we do scare others easily.’”

25. “Just think of me as your biggest fan. And your potential biggest nightmare.”

26. “Not to intimidate you, but I have a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long dad career.”

27. “Did you know I was a magician? Watch how I make your phone disappear if you don’t treat her right.”

28. “Remember, treat her like a queen or you might find yourself dealing with the court jester here.”

29. “Just so you know, I’m really good at pretending to like you. Don’t make me use my acting skills.”

30. “We’re really easy to get along with. Just ask the last boyfriend. Oh wait, you can’t.”

31. “Don’t worry, I won’t accidentally send you a friend request on Facebook. But if you do anything to hurt my daughter, consider yourself blocked from our family forever.”

32. “You know what they say, happy wife, happy life. And the same goes for daughters.”

33. “I may not always be around in person, but my surveillance cameras will always keep an eye on you. Just kidding…kind of.”

34. “As her father, I have high expectations for any potential boyfriend. And trust me, I’m a tough critic.”

35. “Don’t mind the dog barking at you, she just has really good instincts when it comes to sniffing out bad guys.”

36. “I hope you’re ready for a lifetime of dad jokes and constant puns. It’s just part of the package.”

37. “You should know that I have a black belt in dad reflexes, so don’t even think about trying anything funny with my daughter.”

38. “Remember, you’re not just dating my daughter, you’re also entering into a relationship with our entire family. So make sure you’re ready for that responsibility.”

39. “I may not be perfect, but I will always do my best to protect and support my daughter. That’s just what dads do.”

40. “Just remember, I was once in your shoes as a young man dating someone’s daughter. So trust me when I say, I know how to spot a good guy.”

41. “I may seem intimidating at first, but deep down I’m just a father who loves his daughter and wants the best for her. So let’s start off on the right foot.”

42. “If you ever need some fatherly advice or guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out to me.

Funny Things to Say to Daughter’s Boyfriend After a Fight

1. “I hope you two make up soon; I’m not ready to audition for a new partner-in-crime for her.”

2. “Remember, if she’s mad, ice cream is faster than flowers. Just saying.”

3. “Look on the bright side, at least you’re not fighting over the remote yet.”

4. “Next time, just agree that she’s right. It’s easier. Trust me.”

5. “You survived! Want to celebrate with a ‘Sorry for the fight’ pizza?”

6. “Consider this a practice round for when you have to agree on what color to paint the kitchen.”

7. “I guess now you know why we sometimes call her ‘the storm’, right?”

8. “If you need a peace treaty negotiator, I work for cake.”

9. “Hey, nobody won the argument unless she said you did.”

10. “If you two are done recreating a drama series, can we go back to normal now?”

11. “Remember, it’s not a real fight until the neighbors come over to check if everything’s okay.”

12. “She gets her stubbornness from her other parent. I’m the easygoing one.”

13. “You thought playing video games was tough? Welcome to relationship level expert.”

14. “If she’s mad, just throw chocolate in her direction and run.”

15. “Next time you argue, can you pause for a popcorn break? I want to watch.”

16. “You know, apologizing is just like rebooting a computer. Sometimes it’s all you need.”

17. “They say love is a battlefield. You just earned your first medal, soldier.”

18. “Keep this up and you’ll become a professional ‘sorry’ whisperer.”

19. “Just remember, ‘Yes, dear’ often works better than any counter-argument.”

20. “Fights with her are like software updates. Annoying, but necessary for improvements.”

21. “Did you try turning the argument off and back on again?”

22. “You know you’re really in the relationship now, right? You’ve seen the stormy weather.”

23. “If all else fails, just blame the lack of coffee for any misunderstanding.”

24. “Just think of every fight as her loving you loudly.”

25. “Remember, loving her is like holding a rose. Watch out for the thorns!”

26. “You’re still here? Points for bravery, my friend.”

27. “Now that you’ve survived this, you’re pretty much family. We all survive her together.”

28. “You think this is bad? Wait until she can’t decide where to eat.”

29. “You guys made up yet? Because I already told the dog you’re staying.”

30. “Don’t worry, every fight is just another story for the wedding day.”